And so the joke goes:

“Earlier I was in a coffee shop with my headphones in, I glanced up and noticed a man seated across from me. He was just sat there, no music, no newspaper, no phone. Just sat there, drinking his coffee…like a psychopath.”

My name is Lauren Hannah. I am 21 years old and living in central London. I am a student at London South Bank University, who knows nothing about writing. I know a little about making jewellery, economics, dance and maths. But mostly I know about coffee.